This might sound brutal, but I stand by my point. Your feelings are real, and your experience matters, but managing those feelings is ultimately your responsibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We ask the world to meet us where we are. We request the accommodations we need to navigate an overwhelming world. So, when neurotypical people make that effort, it seems reasonable that we try to meet them where they are, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I should be clear: this is about responsibility, not dismissing anyone\u2019s experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cReasonable\u201d is difficult to define. English law traditionally refers to the \u201creasonable man on the Clapham omnibus\u201d, but this is not a literal man, nor is it a survey of male commuters from Clapham.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is a legal fiction: an imaginary, ordinary person used to judge what someone could reasonably be expected to do. The language is Victorian. Today, \u201creasonable person\u201d works better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The useful question is: what can we fairly expect from another person in these circumstances? We cannot expect people to anticipate every trigger or prevent every painful feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Think about the rejection you have feared most. For me, it was telling someone how I felt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If those feelings were not reciprocated, it was heartbreaking. With ADHD and rejection sensitivity, that pain could feel doubled. I remained single for years because of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was not a lack of courage. It was a genuine fear of how much rejection might hurt. Rejection can be incredibly painful, but our feelings are not always an accurate account of what has happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Someone might decline a drink, cancel a walk in the park or tell us they do not feel the same way. That can hurt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Their answer, however, may be about their time, energy, circumstances, boundaries or feelings. It is not necessarily a judgement of our value as a person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
RSD can translate \u201cnot tonight\u201d into \u201cnot ever\u201d. It can turn \u201cI can\u2019t\u201d into \u201cyou are not worth my time\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To us, it can feel like the end of the world. To the other person, it may simply be an honest answer. The pain belongs to us, and it should not become their punishment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Most people are not hell-bent on making our lives miserable. They are usually wrapped up in their own thoughts, feelings and concerns.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The person who stepped in front of you at the pharmacy may not have noticed you. That does not make the behaviour acceptable, but it also does not prove that it was malicious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before reacting, it can help to pause and ask yourself what actually happened, what story your mind has added and whether there might be another explanation. You can also ask whether you need clarification before responding, or whether it would be better to step away for a moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is difficult work, but it is our work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Being angry, frightened or hurt whenever we perceive rejection is exhausting. Letting go, when we can, is an act of compassion towards ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That does not mean we should simply \u201cget over it\u201d. It means recognising our triggers, questioning the stories our minds create and communicating without making accusations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It may mean asking for clarification instead of assuming intent. It may mean stepping away before responding. It may mean accepting that discomfort is not always danger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Our needs matter, and so do the needs of the people around us. We deserve patience, compassion and reasonable accommodations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The people in our lives also deserve room to be imperfect human beings. They should be allowed to disagree with us, establish boundaries and occasionally choose the wrong words without being held responsible for every painful emotion that follows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your RSD is not your fault. But it is your responsibility.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This might sound brutal, but I stand by my point. Your feelings are real, and your experience matters, but managing those feelings is ultimately your responsibility.<\/p>\n
We ask the world to meet us where we are. We request the accommodations we need to navigate an overwhelming world. So, when neurotypical people make that effort, it seems reasonable that we try to meet them where they are, too.<\/p>\n
I should be clear: this is about responsibility, not dismissing anyone\u2019s experience.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":199,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-198","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divergently-blogging"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.divergentlybeing.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/198","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.divergentlybeing.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.divergentlybeing.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.divergentlybeing.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.divergentlybeing.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=198"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.divergentlybeing.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/198\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":200,"href":"https:\/\/www.divergentlybeing.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/198\/revisions\/200"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.divergentlybeing.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/199"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.divergentlybeing.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=198"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.divergentlybeing.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=198"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.divergentlybeing.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=198"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}